A cat with 9 lives

This week alone - over 250 women in the uk will die of breast cancer

Approx 350 men develop breast cancer in the uk every year and about 90 will die

One in seven women never check their breasts and 25% of them are over 50 

You should check your breast once a month, always at the same time every month

For women the lifetime risk of being diagnosed is 1 in 9

 

I was booked in the same week for the portal fitting so I arrived at the spire private hospital in Leeds which is where I had my chemo.  Went through the usual procedures before an op and the nurse came to take me down.  I had done this so many times now it was just another day but for some reason when walking down to theatre I had a melt down and for me this is a difficult thing to say but fear set in.  By the time I got to theatre I was sobbing.  As you would imagine everyone was lovely and tried to console me.  This particular procedure had to be done under local anaesthetic with a sedative. A round hard portal the size of a 2p put under my skin just above my breast with a tube connecting to a vein in my neck.  "Please just put me to sleep" I bawled "I'm not supposed to" He replied but the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery and it was all over.  They forgot to give me my numbing cream to go home with so my advice to anyone is make sure you don't forget it that's all I will say.  I made sure I had plenty in the fridge after my first injection without. I think I actually told the nurse to fuck off the next day when she tried to take blood.  She said she didn't blame me as she had no numbing cream and the blood had to be taken.   I wasn't being a faggit - everyone has to have the numbing cream.  Anyway now I could have all my injections from the portal including my chemo which was great.

My girlfriends very kindly took me away for a few days to Robin Hoods bay  in a very small, gorgeous fishermans cottage.  It was beautiful and they did everything for me all I had to do was relax.  Thank you Tracey, Jackie and Linda  !!!! I have attached some pictures from when we later that year had a lovely few days in Northumberland as the Robin Hood bay ones are in the loft.  We drank we ate we laughed - walked on the beach - watched movies.

Before the blink of an eye I was back for my next session.  I could not keep my eyes open when the chemo was over I fell fast asleep in the chair.  They put me in a wheelchair and took me to my room for my syringe driver and once again I lay for 2 days sleeping and when I wasn't sleeping I was laid there thinking.

I am definitely a cat with 9 lives.  I lost my first when I was 2 and I can remember as clear as day.   My oldest memory was waking up on my dads knee in the back of a car.  I looked down and saw my bone sticking out through the skin on my leg.   It was the day of the May procession at st Winifreds church, Wibsey.  My sister, Pauline had taken me to her friends over the field outside the house.  To cut a long story short I ran out between 2 parked cars and was hit by a Mercedes.  I broke my legs, my pelvis and fractured my scull.  How did I survive? Because I'm a tough cookie that's why.  My dad wouldn't wait for the ambulance and took me to hospital in the car.    My parents were told It was possible I wouldn't ever be able to walk because of my pelvis.  I was in hospital a couple of months and remember my parents visiting me ever evening for half an hour because that was all they were allowed.  Every evening my mum would bring me my dummy and pluckie (a blanket I would pluck) and every night the nurse would take them off me and put them in the bin.  Bitch !!!! 

Anyway eventually I learned to walk again - just so I could cause more worry to my parents because that's what kids do!!!   It made me very insecure as a child and was attached to my mothers hip but soon found my way to be the black sheep of the family ha ha !!!!

 TIME (present day)

As you can imagine TIME is very precious to me.  You can't go back - you can't stop it and you can't save time for another day. So i want to make every second - every day count.  The last few months have been a fight against time.  The days are going too quick and I need to slow them right down.  This happens quite often and I deal with it by consciously practicing mindfulness  Stop for a moment right now !!!! Look around you - your surroundings and appreciate the moment.

i am constantly chasing the next task - so I have put in place a technique to manage my time better.  I have joined the gym and have blocked time in my diary to work out and to swim.  These are the areas I am going to look at as in my opinion effective time management equals effective life management

1.

I don't have to answer the phone or text or do something for someone else if I have something to do myself.

2. 

I am going to have 1 list only - not 2 or 3.  Not one in my bag, one on my phone and one on my iPad.  One trusted source - I'm going to use my iPad as I use this for my diary.  It reminds me of my priorities and if it isn't on the list it doesn't get done. 

3.

I'm going to block time out in my diary for me - shopping, swimming, gym and block time out to do admin so I don't do it in the evening in my own time. 

4. 

Limit my unplanned activity in work because I find it is stopping me doing my priorities and  what needs to be done.

5. Get up half an hour earlier and go running to set me up for the day

The age thing keeps cropping up too but I still feel so young.  I'm sure I heard somewhere 50 is the new 30!!!!  My son Christopher once said to me "just imagine you are 80 and someone has said they can take years off you and make you the age you are now - how fab would you feel?? It really works !!! 

 

BACK TO AROUND JUNE. 2012

This was my last session.  It had passed pretty quick and it was encouraging to know my life could start getting back to normal.  in no time at all I was in my room at the hospital settling down to rest.  my little routine was working well - before the syringe driver kicked in I would ring around everyone and catch up on what had happened that day in the normal world.  My sister Anne had been put on a new drug for her cancer.  the idea was it would shrink the tumour but  medication was making her too ill so she had to come off it which was devastating news. I lay again thinking of my nine lives and thank god I have survived them.  The nurse came in to check the syringe driver and I drifted off casting my mind back to February 2004.  I had been a drugs rep for 2 years,  just got back from conference and full of enthusiasm.  It was a lovely day for February and I had promised to take georgia shopping for shoes, she was 7.  As the kids were still quite young,  I worked part time and finished at 1.  This particular day I was in knaresborough doing a lunch meeting presentation at a doctors surgery.  I remember I had laid the lunch out in the meeting room and was waiting for the gps and nurses - they were running late but eventually arrived and I presented to them whilst they ate.  I quickly packed up and left as I wanted to drive  home, get things sorted before I picked up Georgia from school.

i distinctly remember driving down the a59, listening to my music.  There were a couple of cars behind me but in front it was clear apart from the oncoming traffic.  A white transit van was in the distance on the other side of the road and I remember thinking it was going too fast - in the blink of an eye I saw some thing unusual coming towards me.  It was all literally in 2 seconds - I knew it wasn't s car and it shouldn't be there - it was racing straight for me on my side of the road.  The van was pulling a massive trailer with road marking equipment and gas bottles weighing over a ton and had forgot to put the securing pins in to secure it to the van and as he sped down the road it detached from the van and hit me head on at 60mph.