Surgery - breast cancer

Sat in the Hilton roof top bar in Leeds.  Having just endured a painstakingly tough exam on COPD, I am rewarding myself with an hour to basically stare into space and do "proper fuck all".  It's a new job and the first team meeting was on Tuesday this week.  Result !  I thought - A relaxing day after heavy revision on Monday.  The day kicked off nicely getting to know the other members of the team, the strategy for 2016 etc and before I knew it I was handcuffed to a brick wall, padlocked into a rusty cell, blindfolded and had 50 mins to work out how to get out. Ffs just let me out!! were my initial thoughts but soon realised if we were going to "crack the code" we had to work together (3 other team members were in separate cells next to me.  46mins was apparently was one of the best attempts.  Totally out of my comfort zone. Meeting people for the first time and being quite vocal is a realised strength of mine which means I am good at it but it is hard work,  it doesn't come naturally.  Consequently I was bloody knackered by the end of the day   however, I have certainly come out of my shell whilst looking like a tool.

I am aware that I need to write more often and once I have mastered the needs of COPD patients I definitely will.  My job and its objective is really valuable to me.  I grow as a person each time I have made a difference to a patients life.   Which, when I think about it, is the reason I am writing this blog. I really do feel ill at ease disclosing some of this stuff, nevertheless if it helps one person feel they are not alone or encourages one person to visit their doctor then it will be worth every embarrassing moment.  

So.....    The surgery.  I am going to try and write  every one or two days and I will be starting the surgery bit and posting it tonight.

i will also reply to all comments.  Thank you every one so much !!!

22nd December 2011

5am - the day of my surgery-😬 My bag was packed and my tum empty.  Not nervous At all, in fact I've been more anxious before a dental appointment.  I was in control - Georgia's school things - routine mapped out for the dog (whiskey) - david and I set off for the Nuffield, we had to be there for 7am.  Remembering the journey down, still dark and misty. How could I be so calm- it's like the reason for my journey had been erased from my mind.  Having  said that there was a chill in the atmosphere. Dave held my hand the whole way. He is often baffled at how I deal with certain situations, it's just how I am, unconsciously programming my psyche to manage difficulties And it works for me.

We arrived at 6.40 and were shown to my private room Where I changed into the hospital gown.  First the anaesthetists came to talk about pain relief etc.  He was not as warm as I might expect, a bit aloof but not to worry.  He was followed by lovely Mr Munot who proceeded to do his markings for the surgery.  The nurse informed me I was due to go down in ten mins.  I told David he may as well go home and he said he would come back in the afternoon as we were informed I should be back in my room by then.  When he left i wore my fluffy slippers out pacing the room until the nurse came for me.  We walked down to the theatre chatting - she was trying to distract my thoughts.  As we approached the theatre I was shaking - fuck!  I'm not in control.  The nurses were lovely - in the prep room it is always calm and in previous ops, the seconds before you drop off into your deep sleep has been an amazing feeling but this was different, much different. There was no presence of that lovely fuzzy feeling it was just out .....................

The next bit shocked me to my core!!! 

 

 

 

jane xxxxx